yes.

Craiglist post: it's long, but read it. Every word. No skimming allowed. Because within it are the tears and the frustrations of every fabulous, intelligent, self respecting, beautiful (inside to out), single young woman who just doesn't understand...

(my rant continues if you're really interested)

consider this a warning

My parents gave me a digital camera for Christmas. I will be using (and abusing) it to my full capicity. Look for plenty of photo blogging in the future.

it's made with figs...and bacon

There is a reason it is called "research." 90% of the time it isn't going to work. And no matter how hard I try to remember this I still find myself endlessly frustrated. I think what really keeps researchers going is the drug of discovery. Of finding something out that no one has ever known. I have yet to experience that moment. Sure, corroborating microarray data is all well and fine and it needs to be done to prove that what my Berglab predecesors have shown isn't all horse hockeypucks, but I am getting fed up with myself.

So on that note, I am taking the day off. It's an official university holiday, my boss has gone camping, and everyone else is gone as well, making me the only one there. Besides, what I have to do will only take a half an hour because I absolutely refuse to attempt another real time PCR run until I get back from vacation.

Ah, vacation. Christmas may seem a bit anticlimatic, but getting away will be awfully nice. Even if it means fielding questions from family that I have to answer with "no, not that kind of doctor" and "no, I am not seeing anyone."

Happy Kwanhanamas everybody. Safe travels and may your families be supportive and loving.

'tis the season

I have finally given in. No white Christmas for me, but I think I've accepted this. It's easier to admit that it is Christmastime when seeing my family is finally imminent. There are Christmas carols coming from my stereo. And I do have to admit that the combination of DMB's Christmas Song and the Muppets We Wish You a Merry Christmas makes me smile. I even put up Christmas lights. They're wrapped around the fan above my bed and look like nothing more than a white trash chandelier. But, if I squint all I can see is the lights and the reflections off the white and silver ornaments I hung on the mess. What can I say? No matter how hard I try my decorations will forever be more Charlie Brown than Martha Stewart.

three down

Well, I have now officially survived graduate school semester number three without failing a course. Actually, I earned an A in Neuro, with an 82% on the last test. While this isn't exactly kicking ass and taking names, I consider it quite acceptable. It would seem that overstressing has become a forte of mine lately along with an overactive internal dialogue.

Things in life may be looking up. At least I'm trying to adjust my attitude and see if that makes a difference. If nothing else I figured out at least one of my problems with the real time PCR and hopefully the one I have running right now will turn out well. I get to go home on Saturday. And maybe, just maybe, I have managed to shake the funk that I was in for so long.

what would picard do?

These have been the absolute strangest two weeks. Ice in Austin last week making for all kinds of weirdness and throwing off my sense of time followed by this week's toxic combination of finals and printing microarry slides.

My body is absolutely freaking out on me. One small cup of coffee with lunch. One small cup more than twelve hours after the last caffeine I had consumed and my hands would not stop shaking. Studying through that was an adventure. As I came to the final lecture, which is ironically over circadian rhythms, I couldn't help but wonder how much I have f*cked mine up over the last five days, particularly with the two all nighters I pulled baby sitting the array printer. Last night's shift was 11PM-5AM. I was alert though most of it and put in a lot of good studying. As opposed to coming unglued and being found several hours later wearing an aluminum foil helmet maniacally running around the MBB attic mumbling about messages from the space aliens. And I'm not out of the danger zone just yet. If I have messed myself up enough to not be able to sleep tonight it may still happen. Just stick me in a small room with padded walls, ignore the maniacal laughter and keep me far, far away from caffeine. I promise I'll be okay after a few days. Needless to say, lots of sleep tonight is imperative because I truly doubt that such an episode will confer any of John Nash's genius upon me.

The neuro final is tomorrow at 9AM. In another nineteen or so hours I will not have to write the word "rhythm" again for a long, long time. And after that final I am so giving up caffeine for at least a little while. I may give up thinking as well. Anything so long as I can sleep. Oh, sweet, sweet, seductive sleep...

a manoohvah

Okay, babysitting the microarray printer at 3:00 AM and distracting myself with gummi worms, large amounts of caffeine (only 79 more cups until I die) and Eddie Izzard. British transvestite stand up comedian who makes very intelligent fun of all things western history and culture. Invading Russia, the moon landing, ze Heimlich manuever ("manoohvah"), British versus American film making. All in a fabulous accent. "'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' But really, I think the guns help. I mean, you walk around saying "BANG" and it just doesn't have quite the same effect, now does it?" Bloody brilliant.


Ooooh, wow, no one should be awake at this time of day. Particularly not from this side of it. Staying up 'til 3:30 in the morning, fine. Waking up at 1AM after a several hour nap and then expecting to make it through the day? Mmm, not so much. Class at nine is going to be fabulous.

Qua?

wtf, mate?

I swear, I must be the only person on the face of the planet capable of burning water. Okay, so common sense says it wasn't actually the water burning, but based on the smell coming from that burner something was. Good to know that I am so incredibly gifted. Then again, my mother is rather fond of saying "Amy, the only thing domestic about you is the wine you drink." And apparently some part of me is out to prove her right.

Back on This Side of the Door

If you have any scrap of wonder and imagination left in you go see The Chronicles of Narnia. It was fantastic.

As a child I was always rather disappointed when the closets and wardrobes I played in contained only old clothes and mothballs, with nothing else behind them. On our way out of the theatre we got to walk past the lamp post and through the wardrobe back into the real world. I laughed with absolute joy as we did it. What a fantastic idea; I love Alamo Drafthouse for many reasons, things of that nature being just one of them.

Facing the world is a bit easier after suspending belief for a little while. So in the next week I have to deal with finals and at least one night spent babysitting the microarray printer. Those are small thing compared with everything else in life. Between preliminary exams and TAing Sue's genetics class I am dreading the start of next semester. And from the final until the start of spring semester I have a month to get as much research done as possible. There will be some long days and weeks spent in lab.

this just in: central texas freak out over cold, ice

Yes, it's cold outside. But it isn't all that cold. Austin's reaction to this weather absolutely baffles me. It's winter: even here in central Texas it is likely that once in a while it will get this cold. Yes, even icy.

Ice. The city of Austin is completely unprepared to deal with icy roads. Anywhere north of here, as most of you are well aquainted with, trucks are out all night in full force spreading salt on the roads to keep them from freezing. I guess it makes sense that it the cost of keeping a fleet of trucks capable of salting the roads outweighs the benefits for these rare icy days, though. So the infrastructure is essentially shut down, which shuts down everything else. Hence the university closing. It's ridiculous, really, but hey, I'm not about to complain about getting an unexpected day off. Of course, I'm here on campus anyway since I didn't realize the university was closed until I was already at work. I have things to do that will be easier to do with no one around anyway.

So, yay for cold weather because it means I get to wear my long wool coat and yay for cold weather because this is what December is meant to feel like. Even better that we only have to deal with it in small pieces.

mechanistic hangover

The annual neuroscience symposium was on Saturday. Last week a big part of me was extremely reluctant to give up my day of freedom to sit indoors and listen to people talk science. After all, this is what I do every weekday. In retrospect it was a great way to spend the day. Aside from the early morning. I enjoyed the poster sessions, claustrophobically crowded though the room was and seeing what my peers are working on is always exciting. And the keynote speaker was great; an excellent speaker, entertaining, and his presentation was over really interesting work his lab has been conducting on a drug that is neuroprotective (i.e. can be used to fight the damage done in diseases like alzheimers and not just slow further damage). Very cool mechanistic stuff.

Lately it's been easy for me to forget how much I really do love science. Proof exists in the little things - yesterday morning at breakfast I drew the structure of an ethanol
molecule on a Splenda packet to explain a point I was making. Now if I could just be the one to figure out the magic ways by which this lovely little molecule exerts its oh-so-familiar effects I'd be doing really well.

note to self

I need to remember this:

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill

what came first, the music or the misery?

In no particular order, my 10 greatest albums:

Everythingupsidedown - Mike McClure Band
OK Computer - Radiohead
Red Headed Stranger - Willie Nelson
Crash - DMB
Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
Speed of Grace - Matraca Berg
The Bends - Radiohead
Sgt Pepper - Beatles
Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
Showcase - Patsy Cline

I'm tempted to add Roger Miller. It takes true genius to pull off a song titled "You Can't Rollerskate In A Buffalo Herd." And if I was stuck on a deserted island, I would certainly want at least a compilation of Roger Miller. Actually, screw that, I want my iPod with a solar powered energy source.

*Edit* Bob Dylan belongs on here. Especially since my current favorite song is Forever Young. I just don't know which album to include seeing how I don't actually own any Dylan albums. Sad yes, and soon to be fixed.

big pointy teeth!

Had enough with fluffy bunny slippers? Try the Monty Python-esque version for cuddly warmth with an edge.

maybe i should save my humbugs for december

My first Thanksgiving away from my family. It's an odd thing, and I really wish I could be in Rhode Island with the east coast extension of my mom's family. Spending a holiday I associate with brisk weather and colored leaves in Texas with 75°F weather is just surreal. Parts of the east coast got snow. And I am soooo jealous.

Not that today was a bad day. I enjoyed spending it with Jessica’s family in Fredericksburg, it’s just a major change for me. New people. The food fixed just a little differently than what I’m used to. Warm weather. I suppose it’s another instance in which growing up really sucks and I just need to get over it. At least I know I have somewhere to go and people who are missing me today. Family. There’s the crux of it.

Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday since at least my freshman year of college. A break from the end of semester spent with people I love. The entire holiday season used to be my favorite time of year. Cold weather, snow (with any luck), family, shopping for my loved ones. Watching the Muppet Christmas Carol movie and sympathizing with Charlie Brown's said little Christmas tree. On Sunday night I saw my first Christmas-time commercial. I freaked out like a cat scared out of a life by a motion-sensor activated talking Christmas tree. Blindsided once again. Not expecting it to come around again so soon. Christmas is more empty now, more something to dread than anticipate. There just isn’t as much spirit in it for me now that I only get a few days even remotely near relatives. Granted, I am emotionally in a better place this year than last. I also have friends outside of school and more to look forward to than being done with finals, but it's still not what I want it to be. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with dreams of Charlie Brown Christmases and Miracles on 34th Street.

every road gonna bring you home

At the moment I absolutely love life. Ain't it great to be alive in Austin, Texas... yeah, that cheesy kinda thing. "Why this mood swing?" you might ask, "is it booze or drugs? Did you win the lottery? Win a new wardrobe from Saks Fifth Avenue? A lifetime subscription to Highlights Magazine?" No, none of the above, as unlikely as it may seem.

Music. Kick-ass, passionate, talented, no holds barred, taking me back to everything I loved about my senior year of college, red dirt music. I love Stoney LaRue. And even more so I love Rodney Pyeatt and Jeremy Watkins. Exceptionally talented musicians (I wouldn't kick Mr. Watkins out of bed, either) and it was obvious the entire band was just having a lot of fun on stage tonight. Bad jokes about the president and all. It was easily the most fun I have had at a concert since I've been in Austin. And I went by myself. Imagine if I had had company. Then I wouldn't have looked quite so dorky with the grin I had on my face.

far too early

Ah, modern molecular biology. I am babysitting the array printer. Switching out plates, making sure the miniscule dots are being printed okay, that the level of the wash solution is high enough. This is one of those jobs that I hate because it's mostly mindless, but if I screw up it affects a lot of other people. Plus, this a robot with a lot of really expensive parts. Difficult to break, but if anyone were to do it, it would be me. And they leave me alone up here in the MBB attic at 7AM on a Saturday morning.

photographic evidence isn't always a bad thing

Valkyries in New Zealand

(Rocky, Lisa, Shae, Meg, Me, and Jamie
officially on New Zealand Soil)

brrrrr

It's a good thing I like to sleep in a cold room, because I forgot to turn on the heat last night. According to the weather channel it's 31 degrees this morning.

I have this habit of dragging weather with me wherever I go. I went east and I took Austin's sunny, warm pseudo-fall with me. Apparently I brought back real November weather. I apologize to my fellow Austinites, but don't think I'm not enjoying it.

mid atlantic rambling

Home. Or at least where my family now lives. Most importantly on the East Coast. I'm currently sitting in a coffee shop in Winchester, VA, getting free wireless not from the coffee shop, but rather from the Sleep Inn next door. Of course small cities in rural areas don't have near-universal wireless access...I just hadn't thought about it. Even in Everedy Square in Frederick I couldn't get wireless. My best friend just gave me an exasperated look and said "you're in Fredneck," as if I should have remembered that our hometown is hopelessly backwards and behind the times.


What a weekend. The Valkyries dominated both Saturday and Sunday, winning the "Nation-al Cup." Playing in the Furies B side on Saturday was the most fun I have had playing rugby. Sunday at the Ambassador's Cup I saw my first Haka, which in and of itself may have been worth the cost of the plane ticket. And the post-games social was held at the New Zealand Embassy and included free beer (but then again, this is rugby we're talking about here) and a free dinner. Roast lamb. Yum.

So the air is crisp, the leaves are changing colors and life is good. Not thinking about school is even better. And I get seafood for dinner. Yum.

fly away

A weekend away. I need this. I need to get out of Austin and out of my reality for a little while. Spend some time in Mom's kitchen, in the hay loft, with my family, in Frederick, in Winchester, with my best friend. Frustrating is the best word I have to describe my life right now. Absolutely nothing is going the way I would like it to be. Work is the worst of it. I feel like I am staring at a brick wall that I'm never going to get past. I literally cannot visualize myself succeeding in graduate school and that scares the hell out of me. My capacity for hope is the only thing keeping me going right now. A friend of mine just withdrew from our program. I am incredibly proud of her for making such a difficult decision. And slightly jealous that I can't do the same. The difference between us is that I really, truly want this. I have been wanting this since I was fourteen years old. My high expectations are what is allowing all of this to get to me.

High expectations. Expectations. Stress occurs when expected does not equal observed. I'm sure there's a mathematical equation in there somewhere, but it probably requires some sort of derivation that I can't do. Math never was my strong point. And I tend to stick with the things that I do well. Things that I can do well enough to live up to my own expectations for myself. Part of me wants to give up rugby, a game I genuinely love, because I'm not immediately good enough to please myself. Logically I know that's ridiculous, but my expectations for myself aren't logical very often. I get to learn from one of the best players in the country. A lot of people would argue she is the best female prop in the US (and I'd happily place my money on her against most of the men that play that same position). Perversely this makes me want to perform well even more. And get increasingly frustrated with myself when I don't. It's ridiculous; I have been actively playing full XVs for a total of maybe five weeks. I played prop for the very first time (propping for 7's is so different it doesn't count) three weeks ago. And I still expect myself to be perfect. Or nearly so. It's official, in black and white: I am messed up in the head.

Or maybe it's my personality type. According to a Jung test (can you tell I'm not feeling fulfilled at work?) I am an "INFJ".

INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

Yup. That's me all right.

i believe a leaf of grass...

...is no less than the journey-work of the stars
-Walt Whitman

My boss took the entire lab out to Pedernales Falls for the morning, then Salt Lick (the original) for lunch in honor of Ari's graduation. It was a good day. I needed to get away. I just wish I could have spent more time on my own; I do my best thinking in nature, but generally only when I get a few moments of silence. (Since Friday night I have spent a lot of time wrestling with some old feelings that seeing Jarhead brought back to the surface. ) Not that I couldn't have slipped away on my own, but I wanted to spend time with my coworkers, particularly Ari, since he is moving to San Francisco at the end of the week.

I'm still glad we went, even if my need to get out of the city still hasn't been truly quieted. There was a bit of fall foliage and open space and plenty of armadillos, frogs, and snakes around to keep us all delighted. It was a gorgeous day, too. Ari, Kerrie, and I sat and watched some sort of water snake stalk frogs in what would be a tide pool if we'd been at the beach. It was so cool. Blue skies, green grass, clean air. Open spaces. How could the rest of the world possibly get to me on such a day? How could anyone miss seeing a creator who takes joy in his creation in such circumstances?

Race For The Cure on Sunday was amazing. My body was screaming "why are you doing this to me?!" after my late night (Buddy Quaid is fantastic!), but I was up bright and early with the help of lots of caffiene. The most awe inspiring sight was all of the survivors, who were in pink t-shirts. And running down from the capitol looking over all the people who had come out to support the cause was also something amazing to see. Outside of my frustration at my inability to run a 5K effortlessly (something for me to work on, because I need to be at a much higher level of fitness for rugby) it was a great way to spend a morning. On extremely rare occasions.

llama llama duck

Silly songs for icky days.

quarter life crisis

Some days it feels feel like the safe edges of the pool have disintegrated and left me in open water.

It's a canned post, and long, hence putting it behind the cut. But I identified and I think a lot of my peers will too.

a small request

I don't like to write downer posts, but I have a small favor to ask y'all. My grandmother is in the hospital this morning with a blood clot in her neck. It was caught in time and the doctors are dissolving it, but if you would keep her and my family in your thoughts and prayers it would mean a lot to me.

turn me loose and set me free

It's inevitable. Two months and I'm getting restless again. My tolerance for traffic and crowds and concrete and landscaping has reached its limit. It hit me with a vengeance this morning as I was leaving my neuro test. I need to get out of the city and into somewhere I can see the stars at night, feel the sky stretching all the way around me, have the wind blow through my hairs, know there's earth beneath my feet, not twenty meters of concrete.

Anyone up for going camping over Thanksgiving weekend?

so set me free, set me free
i wanna be what i can be
city livin' ain't livin' to me
mama set me free
set me free set me free
-Reckless Kelly

it's the great pumpkin, charlie brown

I got my first black eye yesterday in our match against Alamo City. It's just a little one, but I am quite proud of my shiner. And the shirts from the tournament are the coolest. The back has a picture of Charlie Brown and a rugby ball (instead of the usual football) and the text "It's a great tournament, Charlie Brown." Apparently the after-party had a Great Pumpkin theme, but the Valks decided to come back to Austin early. Too bad my teammates aren't more social.

This afternoon I went to Chris' soccer game. Seemed like a good way to procrastinate and besides, he showed up to my match last weekend, so I owed him one. It's odd to watch soccer now I'm playing rugby. Less control, more spread out, less exciting (I may be shot for that one). Rugby is definitely the more evolved game. After all, it only looks like brutal chaos.

Okay. Neuro. Got to study for neuro. No trick or treating for me this year with a test bright and early on All Saints Day.

mmm, ice cream

One of my favorite things about my program is their insistence on feeding us Amy's Ice Cream twice a year. Big servings. As much as we can eat. There simply is not a better way to start off the weekend.

Actually, there is. Free ice cream in the afternoon, soul food for dinner, and music for the soul - a Mike McClure Band show at Threadgill's World Headquarters tonight. I still firmly believe that everyone should own a copy of Everything Upsidedown. I'd compare it to ice cream, but that's too sweet, and not at all nourishing...alcohol makes a better comparison for music. MMB is a glass of good red wine, solid and bold and oaken with hints of a taste you can't quite put your finger on.

bigger than the white sox

It's always good to know what the rest of the world really thinks of us. None of the US-based news article actually come out and say it, but from BBC news: "Miers debacle hits struggling president"

Debacle. Not a word a US newspaper would use. Not only because of its connotation, but because a large chunk of the population has no idea what it means. Forgive my large vocabulary and word-nerdiness, please.

I like the way it sounds, too. Debacle. Debacle. Debacle. ...I am far too easily amused....

my weekend

It was a fantastic weekend! I didn't get anything productive done at all, but I had so much fun.

Rugby day on Saturday. My first 15's game. I was put in as a prop,

(I'm in the red #3 jersey - with bad form, but it could be worse)

which I wasn't ready for in any way shape or form. It was a definitely my first game. I was kinda lost on the field, and my lock was really frustrated. Time and experience is what I need and I love this sport. Oil wrestling fundraiser...well, it was an interesting evening. They needed me to wrestle to balance a match, so taking one for the team I threw my self-respect out the window and went into the ring. And yes, I won.

My dear friend Jessica was in Austin for the weekend and we got to spend some time together yesterday afternoon. I've missed her; she's moving down here in January and I am very, very excited. Having one of my college friends here will be so wonderful. She is one of a small number of people was really close to in undergrad and one of not so many people that I have kept in touch with since that time in life.

So good weekend, and I'm going to do my best to make sure this will be a good week as well.

tonic state of threatened homeostasis

In other words, stress.

My frustration is steadily increasing, but I'm not ready to give up on grad school or a career in science yet either. I chose my path and I'm going to stick it out.

Messed up the cells again (though this time it wasn't entirely my fault, for once). New ones are growing. Reverse transcriptions yesterday, hybridizations this afternoon, then finish off the arrays tomorrow and scan. And hope beyond all hope that I at least one of my four arrays comes out some semblance of good.

(If you didn't get that last part this is what matters:)
My optimism says all of this is great. The stress-spawned evil little monster of reality is telling me the arrays will be unintelligible ugly yellow smears and the contamination problem is going to come back. Ah, graduate school.

finally a home game!!!

Zilker park, on the rugby pitch.

I don’t know for sure, but I will likely be playing in the UT game and one of the other two. We’ll be out there all day, so come out any time and if I’m not on the pitch I’ll explain what’s going on.

And there will be free beer during the rookie skits.

a woman's place is in the maul

I am sore. I am bruised in odd places. My shoulder is killing me. I am happier than I've been in the last month.

Finally I got to participate in a full practice. Apparently the side that went to the tournament in Philly lost a lot of mauls, so that's how we spent most of practice. It was great.

The funny thing is, my ankle feels better now, too.

drunken teenage...mice

Yesterday's presentation on my drunken teenage mice in lab meeting went well. Apparently better than I thought. I definitely didn't think it was all that great when I tapered off to my acknowledgements.

The usual chain of events: Presentation given, fielding usually small questions during the talk and larger ones along with suggestions and ideas immediately afterword. In the several hours after leaving the conference room one usually hears a polite "good job" or "nice talk" from the people they talk to on a regular basis. This means the talk wasn't unbearable. By the end of the day everyone not directly involved in the same research has forgotten about it. If wasn't very good, well, experience and confidence nearly inevitably improve ability.

So at first I assumed the compliments were simply everyone being really nice. We work in an oddly supportive yet ambivalent little culture (I chalk it up to being socially awkward science types). Then I was getting compliments from people I've barely interacted with and now I'm really wondering if it was actually really good. The PI usually has the most scathing comments. Not this time. Sue's only complaint was completely minor involving choice of line color. Yet, I didn't walk away feeling confident. So did I fool them, or are they fooling me?

why am i in texas?

Newport bridge, taken from Taylor Point in Jamestown, RI. I borrowed the image from this website, which has a lot of truly fantastic photos of New England. Plenty of material to make me homesick for the east.

a case of the monday's

It was a day. Just a day. Kind of bland. Not even vanilla bland. More like iceberg lettuce bland. There were no particular highs or lows. I was fairly productive at work. Didn't get a whole lot done, but a didn't spend too much time surfing either. No good or bad suprises. No emotional tear-ups. No particularly happy moments. Thing is, I think I'd prefer a fairly bad day to this kind of unexciting, blah day. How messed up is that? Maybe it's the mix of naproxen and claritin talking. Lately I've been feeling all kinds of uncomfortable emotional neediness. I'd like to blame that on the anti-inflammatories. The neediness is bothering me like it never has before. I need to figure out how to deal with it because it's going to cause me to do something unhealthy.

Besides, I need to get out of my selfish little loop of pity. Scarier and worse things are happening to people I love. My fifteen year old cousin, Colleen, ran away from home a week and a half ago. She's been in my mind a lot lately. Naturally the entire scattered from coast to coast extended family is worried and her parents are frantic. She talked to her mom and dad a few days ago and as of then she was fine. What makes you decide to leave the safety of home for the streets? I know too much about the things that happen to street kids. Especially girls on their own. Common sense screams that anything is better than that. And winter is creeping up quickly on Anchorage, AK. My imagination is coming up with all sorts of scenarios. The best of them involve her going home once she realizes what it's like to be really hungry and really need a shower or finding her way to California and our Aunt Cathy, who she emails fairly regularly. I don't even know if Alaska has an Amber alert type of program or if it is even valid for this sort of thing...

What makes you decide to leave home like this? I don't think I ever would have considered running away. Not running away running away. (Planning to live in the neighbor's hay loft at the age of 10 doesn't count.) Granted, I got along with my parents fairly well in high school, but things did get rough from time to time. I mean I was a normal teenager, but going out into the world with nowhere to go, no way to support or protect yourself? It isn't even a solution, just an escape into a dead end. Vented enough...didn't realize that was pent up in me, even. Keep her in your prayers, please.

feels like apple butter and red and gold leaves

I lovelovelove this weather!

i think this is called giving in

Not sure how I feel about this color scheme...it's not particularly exciting. But, I'll play with it once I have something that at least resembles free time. For now, it's home for a light dinner then off to rugby practice to torment myself with my not-yet-healed-enough to-do-everything-I-want-to-do ankle.





Oh, and to the left - that's a Valkyrie. At least, a 20th century idealized form of one. Somehow I think Oden fed his shield madens a bit better than this one seems to be.

So, moving over from livejournal...