confessions

I have a crush. It's a stupid crush. A middle school type crush. I find it amusing more than anything, which is a good thing because the guy is totally taken. And that's just fine.

I know him from outside of school, but he also happens to work in my building. Despite this I literally never see him on campus. Different ends of different floors in totally different areas of research means our paths never cross. Except for today. Today I run into him. Today of all days when I look like crap. Figures.

jumping off the cliff

OH MY GOD. I just did it. I charged $900 to my credit card for a plane ticket to Rome. It's final, I'm going. No chance of backing out in a foolish panic now. Rome and Greece! Yay!

still frustrated

This morning I finally got details about the Atlanta WRFC (ranked #4 in the country) visit to Austin. Mark your calendars:

April 8th at Burr Field
Austin Valkyries (#9) vs. Atlanta Harlequins (#4)
Time TBD.
B-side game to follow.
In conjuction with the Black's annual tournament
(which means high quality rugby all day)

I am extremely excited. I also started to let myself think that maybe I might be able to play in the B-side game. Then I went to the physical therapist. He had no good news for me. Dammit, I swear I'm about to lose it. Or just play, consequences be damned.

Also, the Ohio State women's team is in Austin for training and matches during their spring break (sorry about the weather, ladies. Usually Austin is gorgeous this time of year). In tonight's chilly weather the Valks have a joint training session and scimmage against them, then a social at Boomerang's, i.e. a chance for Valks to recruit outside of Texas. I never complain about a chance for meat pies, though.

much frustration

Another Tuesday and no rugby for me. My shin problems are now due to stress. Lower back tension translates to the hamstrings, which in turn pull on the bursa major, which hook into the upper shins, causing the current inflamation and general unpleasantness. I want to run, to play, to hit something. A really good high impact workout sounds better than anything else right now. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. All the stretching in the world isn't helping, either. I just need to get out from under all of the stress that is piled on my shoulders.

My proposal was submitted yesterday afternoon. My defense of it is two weeks from today. I need to have it finished by next Tuesday so I can start practicing it, first for myself and then in front of other people. And I should start studying up on my core subjects. None of which I have any motivation to do. I have accomplished absolutely nothing today. Nothing. This is getting ridiculous.

ruck like a girl

Follow this link. Once at the page click "commercial" and then "Nike (spec)" for a demo commercial made of clips filmed at the last women's world cup.

I adore this game.

*edit - the link is fixed

pour me a vacation

Barmaid play me some buffett
I'm the mood to get away
So pour me a vacation
I need to leave here right away
I gotta get down by the ocean
If it's only in my mind
Take me out to paradise
If only for tonight I can leave it all behind

-"Pour Me A Vacation" Mike McClure (from his Great Divide days)

Once again fantasizing about just up and leaving for somewhere with white sandy beaches where I never have to hear the words "in situ hybridization" ever again.... Fins to the left, fins to the right...

my life has come to this

I am now seeking solace at the bottom of a Nutella jar. At 12:30 at night.

If asked for one word to describe graduate school, I would have to answer 'draining'. I am completely drained right now. Emotionally, psychologically, and physically drained. At the moment I just don't want to think anymore. I want to just be. Just exist for a little while and actually get the opportunity to enjoy the world around me. Laying in the courtyard behind the building at lunch this afternoon I was trying to admire the clouds, but instead I was nearly asleep when my lunch buddy, Jess, finally showed up. I feel totally removed from time as well; I know that March 17th is St. Patty's Day. I know that Friday is March 17th. But for whatever reason in my head Friday is not St. Patty's Day. Even though it is. So what are we doing for St. Patty's Day, anyway? I propose pints at Bull McCabe's, which ought to be quieter than any other pub in town. (St. Patty's Day doesn't count for Lent.)

wearing the most fabulous earrings

Only true nerds freak out as much as I did over something like this. I got to meet the fabulous Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce) for a few moments today with Jess and Andrea. We came up to her with huge goofy grins on our faces and she was kind enough to say the three of us were "all so pretty" when she was probably thinking "oh my God, they're insane. Jon. Come help me out, Jon. Jon?!" Speaking of whom, we met her husband, Jon, as well. I was too distracted by the fact I was standing in front of Dooce to do anything but smile widely and introduce myself, but I'm kicking myself for not complementing his photography. It is as amazing as Heather's writing is engaging.

Heather was friendly and laid back and charming and perfectly willing to engage in small talk with random strangers who were excited enough about meeting her that they were as likely to hump her leg as shake her hand. I resisted the urge. The small talk involved SXSW, a bit about Austin, and what each of the three of us do. She was as impressed as most people seem to be when the words "molecular biology" spill out of my mouth, but what really impressed her is that I get mice drunk for a living. She called me her new hero. Definite high point of my semester. She was more awed by Andrea, though, but I'll let her tell that part of the story. When we left after our few moment's brush with fame the line was getting long. I hope it didn't get too bad for her, I'd imagine such a response had to be at least somewhat overwhelming. Somehow I doubt that when she wrote that first entry with a poem about Carnation powdered milk that she would ever have random lurker-ish strangers lining up to meet her.

&@%# word document

Things I currently loathe:

1. Not getting a spring break.
2. Microsoft. Bill Gates is Satan with his virtual monopoly of word processing software.

I have had to force quit Word twice in the past half an hour. After making less than four changes to said document. My rate limiting step is now not my procrastination, but rather my computer. This is infinitely frustrating.

On the other hand, giving up booze for lent has been fantastic. I even went to a party and downtown on Saturday night and aside from wanting a swig of a friend's beer, didn't really even think about drinking. And unlike my teammate who did the same, I am not already planning what my first drink on Easter morning will be.

they make me look socially capable

Sitting here working on my prelim with the documentary "DNA: The Secret of Life" on in the background for inspiration. There is so much elegance in the structure of the double helix, though not as much in the story of the quest. Rosalyn Franklin is one of the few female role models available in scientists, and this documentary gives her her due.

The sociology of science fascinates me. We are such strange creatures, scientists. All to some degree or another out of touch with reality. Not always the most socially well-adjusted. Competitive. Intelligent. Idealistic. It's a different world than anywhere else, a mixture of disclosure and keeping your ideas under wraps to avoid being "scooped." Where competition is the lifeblood of the game, but forgotten in the day to day of the work. Where jokes involve red blood cells or helical structures. Or forgotten E. coli cultures. Like I said, science is an odd little world.

cooler than a nobel laureate

I almost peed myself when I found out. No, really.

weekend in brief, backwards:

Weekend in brief, backwards:

1. No Grey's tonight. The television networks all get some sadistic pleasure from torturing me this way.
   
2. My mother is worried about me because I "don't usually sound so depressed. " Sorry, Mom, like you have said many times, I couldn't get away without getting a few things from my father. So in addition to my stubborness, just like him, when I'm stressed out I get depressed.
3. However, life sucks and I'm not the only who thinks so.
4. Gateway knows how to present a message that really hits home. "As for the proud one, his soul is not right in him. But the one who is right and good will live by his faith." -Habbukuk 2:4 (NLV)
5. I am SO SICK of the #$@% mice. Solutions include: grin and bear it, drop a bomb on the ARC (which would make the animal rights coalition either very upset or very happy), just deal with being at work before 8AM most mornings, or open the cage lids and set cats loose in the room. The more destructive of these would only put my work back a month a half.
6. My ass was grabbed by some random guy while at Fado last night. I spun around on the four inch heel of my favorite boots and then had to lower my glare when I realized I wasn't meeting anyone's eye. The guy was a foot shorter than me. That kept me from decking him. It was however the realization that he was at his own bachelor party that actually saved his worthless dignity. I can be a bitch, but not that much of one.
   
7. I spent six hours on a very comfortable sofa at Halcyon coffee shop downtown yesterday afternoon. Still didn't really get anything done on my prelim.
8. See #5.

April 4

A Nobel Laureate and a date for my prelim all on the same day.

The reality of my life is in sharp relief today.

nobel anticipation

I am currently sitting on the steps of the ARC, waiting on one of the other Gottlieb Lecture Series Committee officers. We are going to pick up Phil Sharp at the airport. There is this huge part of me going "ohmygod, ohmygod it's a Nobel Laureate. A Nobel Laureate is going to be in my car. Ohmygod, I didn't vacuum it out. Ohmygodohmygod." The other parts of me are trying really hard to ignore this voice. Apparently since I wrote the letter on behalf of the graduate students inviting him I get to be the official host. He is speaking tomorrow afternoon as the third guest in this lecture series. And in addition to picking him up at the airport and taking him to his hotel today I get to spend most of tomorrow with the man. Talk about your major schmooze opportunities. Not only is Dr. Sharp a Nobel Laureate he is also one of the big guys in the area I am most interested. Boston for a postdoc? I could do worse than MIT...