opus!

I love you, Berekeley Breathed.

fun times

More photos are up!

light flickrs through

academic insecurities

Something one of the faculty members said yesterday keeps running through my head and it scares the hell out of me. Actually, a few things that were said at recruiting yesterday scared the hell out of me, but this one has stuck more than the others. Probably because it's something I hadn't thought about, but know must be true on some level. At lunch friend of mine was talking about how she doesn't know a lot of the faculty members, only the ones who are involved and show up at a lot of the seminars. To make her point she threw out a couple of names as examples. The faculty member's response was "Oh yes, the cool kids."

The Cool Kids. At the age of thirty-three people in tenure track positions running their own successful research laboratories still consider a certain group to be The Cool Kids. I do not like this idea. The Cool Kids throw me for a loop. Nor will I ever be one of the. Even when I was one the cool kids, I wasn't one of The Cool Kids. I don't get as flustered as I did at the age of fifteen, but there is a part of me that is distinctly uncomfortable in situations involving The Cool Kids. As a result of being an awkward, nerdy child I am exceptionally sensitive to situations where I feel I am not welcome, even now. I will happily use excuses such as "my reaction is nearly finished" or "my grandmother is on fire" to leave as quickly as possible when I find myself in such situations. If The Cool Kids in question are close to the standard I hold myself to it's worse. In most cases this is all ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. One, what exactly makes one scientist "cooler" than another? We're all scientists. Not exactly the poster children for being socially well adapted. Two, chances are, they were as geeky and awkward as I at the age of eleven and probably feel the same way I do. Three, I am no longer quite so geeky and awkward; most days I'd even say I'm comfortable in my own skin. Four, I already knew there were little cliques and all sorts of political nonsense in academia. The logical jump from there would be something of this nature. I guess, much like other things in my life, I figured that once I was a professor I would be one of the confident ones. Professional and well dressed and successful. Perhaps I will be. Perhaps this is merely one female professor's view on things and in actuality it is her own insecurities talking, insecurities that need not become my own. But first I have to pass prelims.

another lemming

Yes, it's fairly stupid and kind of narcissistic, but I have to admit I'm curious. So...

Take My Quiz - on - QuizYourFriends.com!

mmmmmeat pies

Mangia pizza I can resist. Amy's Ice Creams, no problem. Taco Shack is far enough away to not be too tempting, Foodheads is right across the street, but when I'm home it's usually closed. However, Boomerang's is going to be more of a problem. It's right there in the old Half Price books building (now that was one nearby business that I had a lot of trouble resisting the enticing lure of). Their sign has been up for months and I've been curious all along. It was better than I ever could have guessed.

I love meat pies. They're kind of a gourmet hot pocket with an Aussie flare. At the New Zealand ambassador's day in DC the line at the meat pie stand stretched the length of the try zone. Finding this place may be the best news I have had in weeks. It sure as hell beats the prelims meeting we had last night. I'm excited to try them out and if they're any good I will likely be eating out far more often than I do now.

believing through the bad years

Got home from work tonight with big plans to go to the OSU-UT basketball game, but developing a small headache that became a massive one. Wound up sleeping for five hours and missing the entire thing. However, based on the score and the synopsis on espn.com I think I'm glad I didn't witness the suffering. 80-46. The 'Horns nearly doubled the Cowboys scoring, holding them at less than forty percent of their attempts to put points on the board.

Now, the hopes of all Oklahoma State fandom is generally held in basketball. As in football is notoriously so bad that it's been said more than once that the best thing about football season in Stillwater is that it means that it is nearly time for basketball to start. As in Eddie Sutton is one of the best loved men in all of Oklahoma. So loved that that during the 2004 March Madness run his face, set in the famous scowl, was put on paper fans, which were then hung in the front window of all of the campus shuttles.

Granted, I, like most of the OSU faithful, didn't have particularly big expectations for this season anyway. We lost our team leaders to graduation last year, which left the Pokes with a very young team and lots of junior college transfers, but we all hoped for better than this. But, not every year can be a good year. The occasional bad one is required to test the fanbase, to keep us appreciative of the final four years, to let us know that Eddie Sutton is indeed still human. So now we pray. Pray for this to not be Coach Sutton's last year, pray for our young players to live up to the potential we see, pray that next season Gallagher-Iba Arena will once again house a team that will bring the glory back, and to thank God that at least we didn't lose to Baylor!

addicted

Rugby starts soon. This makes me happy. Even if I won't be running around with the team right away, it's a happy thing. My friend Jessica from undergrad is staying with me for a few weeks while she gets her feet under her here in Austin, finds a job and a place to live, etc. So, it being Thursday night I took her to Nasty's for a beer. She's going to try out rugby, so I figured I might as well let her meet some of the Huns. It always suprises me just how comfortable a nerd like me (45%) is at such a dive, but from the astroturf floor to the cobwebby bras on the ceiling it reminds me of some good times from my favorite day of the week - rugby day.

no pink elephants yet

The box may say "Daytime Non-Drowsy", but holy cow, the cough meds in the Tylenol Severe Congestion stuff I took two hours ago are making me woozy. If it was recreational it might be kind of fun, but I'm at work and supposed to be getting stuff done. Not to mention playing TA here in another hour and a half. Another semester of bitchy premed undergrads. Yay.

oil dependence and human rights

We live in a crazy, f*cked up world.

I'm absolutely torn. Part of me wants to change the world and part of me wants to stick my head in the sand because I know there's no way that I could possibly do as much good as I think I should be able to. The idealist inside of me dies a little more every time I read or see or hear another news story along these lines.

intermittently is such a beautiful word

Physical therapy session yesterday. It seems that my shin splints problem springs from the fact that one of my legs is at least functionally longer than the other by just over 1/4". It may be bone structure or it may be due to muscle tension, both are easily treatable. I don't have as much flexibility in a lot of muscles as I ought to. So basically I think what the physical therapist meant was that if I'd been doing yoga like I have known I ought to be I wouldn't be having problems. It makes sense though; stress hit me like it never had before during my first semester of grad school and hasn't really let up since. I carry a lot of tension in my lower back. If one side is tighter than the other it would cause me to step a bit off and the effects would be seen especially when I run. So I do the assigned stretches at least the assigned number of times a day and next week I go back and get re-measured. If the difference is still there I can get a small lift for my shoe and I'll have at least done a lot of stretching this week, which is never a bad thing.

The best news is that the boot is meant to "allow rest" and I can wear it intermittently throughout the day. Basically that means I am not wearing it tonight, but it will be in my car. And I will wear it to work most of the time because 1) it garners pity from my boss (she uses the "sick tactic", so can I) and 2) I'm on my feet most of the day usually anyway. And I got ultrasound therapy to increase blood flow to the area for a while, which felt really good.

So maybe, just maybe I can go back to rugby even sooner than I thought, which makes me a very happy girl.

A few photos from Laura's party are here. I'll put up more later. I LOVE having a digital camera! And I had so much fun last night, even if all I could do was hang out. Happy birthday, Laura; I hope it was all you hoped for!

grrrr

They put me in a freakin' boot! The x-rays didn't even show a hairline fracture, but since it hurts to walk apparently I have to wear the damn thing. Stupid shins; but maybe this time they will actually heal for good, with that combined with the assigned physical therapy...

...and according to Pattie I can meet cute boys in physical therapy, too. ;)

rewind button

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe


...bad decisions become regrets, but at least I learned something about myself

amazing football game

It is indeed a great time to be in Austin, Texas, much less a student at UT. Last night's game was fantastic, as was the revelry afterword. The drag was closed off and a huge crowd was in the middle of the street waiting for the Co-op to open with the National Championship t-shirts. For all the insanity from what I saw and have since heard it was all love and happiness; no rioting, no mobs, just high fives and lots of joyous yelling and honking. This is such a cool city, for so many reasons.

On the other hand today was kind of sad for me. First thing this morning I handed over the title to my first car to the body shop that's been holding it for the past year. Laugh if you will, but I loved that car. She wasn't much to look at, or even drive, but she was my independence and stood by me faithfully for more than five years. We even made the Stillwater to Winchester, and vice versa, trip five or so times while I was at OSU.

questionable science

People like this guy piss me off. Don't go in for the big stakes if you can't handle the possibility of failing. Human stem cells is big business, there is a lot of good to be done and a lot of money to be made once their full potentional is being utilized. As such I can sort of see where he was coming from, but it is an unforgivable move. Especially because of how high profile this is. Falsifying data and results is a huge blow to the integrity of science. The entire world now has less faith in the idea that the greater good will be served by medical research. One man degrades the integrity of millions of researchers worldwide because he couldn't handle the fact that he is not all-powerful. Well, guess what, dude - I have trouble with that one, too, but you aren't going to see me changing numbers around just to make it look like my stupid real time worked. Even though I'd really like it to. Just once.

merry 2006

Myself, Emily, Amber, Tiffany, and Sue.
(can you tell I'm still figuring out the settings on my camera?)

I had a fun new years eve. Probably the best I've had so far, actually. I am definitely glad I came back to Austin for it. Went to Maggie Mae's with the girls, met up with some people, ran into others, drank too much, stayed up way too late (early?), didn't do anything stupid, and woke up late craving greasy breakfast food and satisfied that I've done a true Austin new years at least once.

So on to 2006 with high hopes and mostly convinced that I am where I am supposed to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing.