yes.

Craiglist post: it's long, but read it. Every word. No skimming allowed. Because within it are the tears and the frustrations of every fabulous, intelligent, self respecting, beautiful (inside to out), single young woman who just doesn't understand...

(my rant continues if you're really interested)

consider this a warning

My parents gave me a digital camera for Christmas. I will be using (and abusing) it to my full capicity. Look for plenty of photo blogging in the future.

it's made with figs...and bacon

There is a reason it is called "research." 90% of the time it isn't going to work. And no matter how hard I try to remember this I still find myself endlessly frustrated. I think what really keeps researchers going is the drug of discovery. Of finding something out that no one has ever known. I have yet to experience that moment. Sure, corroborating microarray data is all well and fine and it needs to be done to prove that what my Berglab predecesors have shown isn't all horse hockeypucks, but I am getting fed up with myself.

So on that note, I am taking the day off. It's an official university holiday, my boss has gone camping, and everyone else is gone as well, making me the only one there. Besides, what I have to do will only take a half an hour because I absolutely refuse to attempt another real time PCR run until I get back from vacation.

Ah, vacation. Christmas may seem a bit anticlimatic, but getting away will be awfully nice. Even if it means fielding questions from family that I have to answer with "no, not that kind of doctor" and "no, I am not seeing anyone."

Happy Kwanhanamas everybody. Safe travels and may your families be supportive and loving.

'tis the season

I have finally given in. No white Christmas for me, but I think I've accepted this. It's easier to admit that it is Christmastime when seeing my family is finally imminent. There are Christmas carols coming from my stereo. And I do have to admit that the combination of DMB's Christmas Song and the Muppets We Wish You a Merry Christmas makes me smile. I even put up Christmas lights. They're wrapped around the fan above my bed and look like nothing more than a white trash chandelier. But, if I squint all I can see is the lights and the reflections off the white and silver ornaments I hung on the mess. What can I say? No matter how hard I try my decorations will forever be more Charlie Brown than Martha Stewart.

three down

Well, I have now officially survived graduate school semester number three without failing a course. Actually, I earned an A in Neuro, with an 82% on the last test. While this isn't exactly kicking ass and taking names, I consider it quite acceptable. It would seem that overstressing has become a forte of mine lately along with an overactive internal dialogue.

Things in life may be looking up. At least I'm trying to adjust my attitude and see if that makes a difference. If nothing else I figured out at least one of my problems with the real time PCR and hopefully the one I have running right now will turn out well. I get to go home on Saturday. And maybe, just maybe, I have managed to shake the funk that I was in for so long.

what would picard do?

These have been the absolute strangest two weeks. Ice in Austin last week making for all kinds of weirdness and throwing off my sense of time followed by this week's toxic combination of finals and printing microarry slides.

My body is absolutely freaking out on me. One small cup of coffee with lunch. One small cup more than twelve hours after the last caffeine I had consumed and my hands would not stop shaking. Studying through that was an adventure. As I came to the final lecture, which is ironically over circadian rhythms, I couldn't help but wonder how much I have f*cked mine up over the last five days, particularly with the two all nighters I pulled baby sitting the array printer. Last night's shift was 11PM-5AM. I was alert though most of it and put in a lot of good studying. As opposed to coming unglued and being found several hours later wearing an aluminum foil helmet maniacally running around the MBB attic mumbling about messages from the space aliens. And I'm not out of the danger zone just yet. If I have messed myself up enough to not be able to sleep tonight it may still happen. Just stick me in a small room with padded walls, ignore the maniacal laughter and keep me far, far away from caffeine. I promise I'll be okay after a few days. Needless to say, lots of sleep tonight is imperative because I truly doubt that such an episode will confer any of John Nash's genius upon me.

The neuro final is tomorrow at 9AM. In another nineteen or so hours I will not have to write the word "rhythm" again for a long, long time. And after that final I am so giving up caffeine for at least a little while. I may give up thinking as well. Anything so long as I can sleep. Oh, sweet, sweet, seductive sleep...

a manoohvah

Okay, babysitting the microarray printer at 3:00 AM and distracting myself with gummi worms, large amounts of caffeine (only 79 more cups until I die) and Eddie Izzard. British transvestite stand up comedian who makes very intelligent fun of all things western history and culture. Invading Russia, the moon landing, ze Heimlich manuever ("manoohvah"), British versus American film making. All in a fabulous accent. "'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' But really, I think the guns help. I mean, you walk around saying "BANG" and it just doesn't have quite the same effect, now does it?" Bloody brilliant.


Ooooh, wow, no one should be awake at this time of day. Particularly not from this side of it. Staying up 'til 3:30 in the morning, fine. Waking up at 1AM after a several hour nap and then expecting to make it through the day? Mmm, not so much. Class at nine is going to be fabulous.

Qua?

wtf, mate?

I swear, I must be the only person on the face of the planet capable of burning water. Okay, so common sense says it wasn't actually the water burning, but based on the smell coming from that burner something was. Good to know that I am so incredibly gifted. Then again, my mother is rather fond of saying "Amy, the only thing domestic about you is the wine you drink." And apparently some part of me is out to prove her right.

Back on This Side of the Door

If you have any scrap of wonder and imagination left in you go see The Chronicles of Narnia. It was fantastic.

As a child I was always rather disappointed when the closets and wardrobes I played in contained only old clothes and mothballs, with nothing else behind them. On our way out of the theatre we got to walk past the lamp post and through the wardrobe back into the real world. I laughed with absolute joy as we did it. What a fantastic idea; I love Alamo Drafthouse for many reasons, things of that nature being just one of them.

Facing the world is a bit easier after suspending belief for a little while. So in the next week I have to deal with finals and at least one night spent babysitting the microarray printer. Those are small thing compared with everything else in life. Between preliminary exams and TAing Sue's genetics class I am dreading the start of next semester. And from the final until the start of spring semester I have a month to get as much research done as possible. There will be some long days and weeks spent in lab.

this just in: central texas freak out over cold, ice

Yes, it's cold outside. But it isn't all that cold. Austin's reaction to this weather absolutely baffles me. It's winter: even here in central Texas it is likely that once in a while it will get this cold. Yes, even icy.

Ice. The city of Austin is completely unprepared to deal with icy roads. Anywhere north of here, as most of you are well aquainted with, trucks are out all night in full force spreading salt on the roads to keep them from freezing. I guess it makes sense that it the cost of keeping a fleet of trucks capable of salting the roads outweighs the benefits for these rare icy days, though. So the infrastructure is essentially shut down, which shuts down everything else. Hence the university closing. It's ridiculous, really, but hey, I'm not about to complain about getting an unexpected day off. Of course, I'm here on campus anyway since I didn't realize the university was closed until I was already at work. I have things to do that will be easier to do with no one around anyway.

So, yay for cold weather because it means I get to wear my long wool coat and yay for cold weather because this is what December is meant to feel like. Even better that we only have to deal with it in small pieces.