Blocked

AMRAP 15 Minutes:
15 walking russian swings
10 front squats

16 kg KB, Finished 8 rounds + 10 steps.

Today's WOD was rough. Rough in the I didn't do nearly as well as I hoped or hit it as hard as I would have liked kind of way. A few rounds in I could feel my lower back and hips reacting. Not painful, but definitely carrying all the work, which made me nervous. And made me slow down. I can still feel it in my hips two hours later.

Lately I've been fighting to get over a hump in my workouts. It's completely a mental block and I just can't seem to push through. My progress in every area is fantastic. Getting a pull up is closer with every attempt. Eating Zone has body fat percentage falling and pounds are just dropping off me. (I stepped on the scale on Monday night. 158.6#, the lowest I've been since probably early high school.) But I just can't seem to push myself to my own satisfaction in the workouts.

Car Shopping

Since the end of April I've been without a car. There has been a rollercoaster of various frustrations. First it was figuring out whether I should just find someone to rig a "good enough" fix or just report it to my insurance. Then once I had made that decision I waited weeks for my insurance to get around to inspecting it. Apparently someone routed my claim to San Diego and no one there bothered to bounce it back. Since then I've been car shopping, dabbling at first, because the entire process intimidated the hell out of me.


Now I'm actively searching for a car and still finding myself divided on what I should do. A new car is an automotively safe decision. There's a warranty, no one else has abused the engine, they're all shiny and perfect. But they also come with car payments. Years of car payments, thousands of dollars I could be saving instead.


Used cars come with their own issues, of course. What hidden problems are there? How badly did the previous owner treat the vehicle? (Don't buy a used silver Accord in the Austin area right now, by the way - the previous owner will tell you that himself.) How much money in maintenance is this going to require? Does buying a higher mileage for cheaper balance?

I'm still as intimidated as hell, but getting more and more fed up with being carless. My bike is great, but going most places just takes so much effort compared to a car. And it's July. In Austin. I think my breaking point that will force me to just make a decision and buy a car is coming soon.

um, yeah...

So, I keep writing blog posts. I just don't actually post them. Because I read back over what I've written and they are complete crap.

There are photos from Chicago, though. If they ever make it from my camera to my external hard drive to the computer I might actually post them. But I'll keep trying to write something I actually want to share with the world.

At the moment I'm sitting in an increasingly noisy and crowded Casino El Camino alone, waiting for my friends to show up. Feeling increasingly conspicuous in my plain grey t-shirt, naturally colored hair, and naked of eye liner. Hungry, but waiting. (The fries smell amazing.) Does any good ever come of being punctual?

whining

There really ought to be something I could blog about that somehow matters or is in some way at least a little bit significant. Today, however, has shaken it all out of me. Getting frustrated with this damn gel, or rather the PCR which is requiring five gels to get results. Seriously, there has GOT to be a better way to do this. And here I am at work past five o'clock just getting more and more frustrated with this damn thing because I think I'm going to have to do it over again despite all the pain and effort and ridiculousness and why did I even try doing this many samples at once and people are waiting for the results and maybe I'll just getting really drunk on green beer tonight and call in sick tomorrow.

Okay, done whining now. I think.

lunar eclipse

Now why is that it's tonight that Austin has a crystal clear, beautiful night sky? Tonight, the 21st, the night after the total lunar eclipse??? Not last night while I was outside in the stinking humidity wishing the clouds would clear so we could stare up for a while instead of running sprints.

one week in

Only in a state job is possible to take three days off work and get an eleven day holiday out of the deal. Much less be able to do it after your first week. Upon leaving on Friday I still didn't have access to my computer or the permission to do anything independently. I did spend at least four hours doing online training courses on the lab computer, which kept crashing on me. Somehow I think this a fairly good indication of what having a government job is going to be like...

Tomorrow I'm off for the east for Christmas. Big plans to do some serious sleeping in and eating my mom's cooking. Though I doubt I'll get my most sincere Christmas wish for snow.

Sometimes you come across some amazing things on the web. These collages on flickr are certainly one of them.

Lately my life hasn't been something I want to blog about. Even my own internal monolouge is starting to sound whiny to me. In brief, I'm still at the bar, still without any strong prospects in my field and really not liking either. Being used to being a high achiever this stage of my life seems particularly dim, though compared to many people's situations I'm on top of the world. So I try not to complain, though the effort is rarely particularly effective.

Serious rugby is over for the fall. We lost one cup match, I twisted my ankle, and won the second, in which I didn't get to play. Defensively we've come together as a team, though no one would deny that our pack is probably the lightest club side pack in the country. What size is an average women's prop in a D1 top 16 team, anyway? Guess I'll have to pay attention when Austin hosts the Women's Round of 16 in a week and a half.

Exactly

Seriously people, our culture has some crazy standards that aren't even based on reality.

There's a link under the link to the before Photoshop and after Photoshop of Faith Hill on the cover of Redbook which makes me feel much better about myself.

More linkage...

Opinionista has another hard-look-at-reality post today, this one about "codependence." While the use of the term doesn't seem to be as extensive in the dating scene here in the Southern part of the country the theory behind it certainly has. (Warning for the sensitive, Melissa did drop a couple of f*bombs here and there in this particular blog.) Seriously, though, just where does one draw the line? And at what point(s) in a relationship is it acceptable for said line to move?

nothing

I'm battling a serious lack of inspiration to write. Or maybe not battling, since I've more or less given in to it. Heading into this semester I can feel the stress looming over me, which makes me want to burn up hours and hours with staying in bed, watching episodes of Firefly over and over, reading fluff fiction, and drinking hot chocolate with irish creme in it. Burn hours spending time with my friends instead of reading endless journal articles with neuro terminology I can't pronounce and that refuses to lodge in my brain.

Four months.

Okay, I'm going to make solutions now. At least that is something I can pretend is productive.

excuses.

My life has gone from breakneck speed into an uncontrolled Mach 3. Or something like that. So photos of my Thanksgiving weekend help bring me back to earth. Because there is life outside of this mess, I just need to remember that.

Monday I spent nearly a full twelve hours on my feet doing an experiment, arriving home just before my small group showed up at eight. More of those are planned just to accomplish everything I need to accomplish. Keeping busy is good for me, but I'm already starting to feel stretched thin and the worst of next semester hasn't even gotten close to beginning. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish between now and next week when I leave for the holiday that just aren't going to get done because I'm running out of time. And today is a waste of time because my lab is going to Chuy's for lunch, which wipes out a good three hours in the middle of my day. None of the benchwork I have to do can be accomplished in the time slot before that, furthering the situation.

Socially my life is out of control. This weekend I have three different events involving three different groups of people, one of which is a graduation party in College Station that I don't have time for, but will feel immensely guilty if I miss out on. Plus I really want to be there. My weeknights are also ridiculously scheduled - and this is my life not on rugby. I have no idea what I am going to do in the spring and what I am going to cut out. Sleep, perhaps, on top of three-quarters of everything else.

I'm grateful to have such a full life and so many wonderful people filling it, not to mention the trouble I have always had saying "no" when asked to help. This is worlds better than where I was two years ago when new to Austin, spending most nights alone on my sofa with a movie and rare nights out doing things I despised with people, for the most part, I didn't like very much. So to those of you I won't see very often for the next six months I apologize. And please don't forget me.