mediocre is not acceptable

The exam was set to begin at nine this morning. I gave myself plenty of time to deal with any disaster that may have arisen during set up, but everything ran smoothly, including the mock up to allow me to non-mirror my presentation (Thanks, Tim, you rock!). Heading into the exam I was relatively calm. The committee, track chair, and my boss trickled in slowly, even suggesting that I begin despite the fact that the third member had not arrived and was going to have to leave early. So I went through my presentation with them asking questions as I went along. I fielded some well, some not so well. There were a few things I couldn’t for the life of me remember, despite the fact that I knew that I knew them. They weren’t satisfied with my experiments. Hence the rewrite. And I am not satisfied with myself. So I’m sitting here in my apartment alone essentially stewing over the fact that I don’t live up to the expectations I hold for myself. Despite passing I still feel like a failure. Mediocre is not good enough. But I don’t know how to do what I am trying to do any better.